Today let’s power on with part 3 in the series where I turn my signature paid product ‘Silence Self Sabotage’ which is a 6 step system to create your best body gain mindset into podcast format.
So far in shows #300 and #301 we’ve covered:
- The #1 Thing Preventing You From Having Your Ideal Body Now. That’s: MINDSET.
- The 1st Success Strategy. That’s: You Must Take Control Of How You Interpret Your World.
- The 2nd Success Strategy. That’s: What You Focus On Is What You Get – To The Exclusion Of Everything Else.
Today we’ll cover:
- The importance of LANGUAGE… in shaping your body and your world.
- Why Goal Setting Doesn’t Always Work… and what to do instead.
What if I were to say to you that: “What you tell yourself and others on a consistent basis is how your will experience your life”?
You will see that this follows on from all that we have covered so far. So let’s explore further the enormous intensity and power that language carries with it. I’m sure you’ll agree with me that there is a certain emotional charge to the word ‘HATE’ and that the word ‘LOVE’ has a vastly different charge.
How about the use of the word ‘dislike’? Would your experience of something you described as disliking be less intense than that of something you absolutely loathed? How about the limitless potential for using these conscious language substitutions or reframes when describing certain foods or types of exercise?
Is it possible that your huge compelling goal could be either overwhelming OR exciting… whichever you choose?
I know that I’ve said I hate chocolate and banana’s so many times I actually believe it. In reality, they are both kind of nothing to me… too nothing to justify the carbs when there are so many others I’d prefer but the emotion feels like ahate because that’s the word I originally chose. Equally I love broccoli. Do I really and is it the taste which I used to hate(!) or is it the fact that I discovered it has a high thermic effect and 4.7 grammes of protein per cup? Have I just convinced myself of the green love as I’ve said it so many times?
I’d like you to take a moment to think of someone you know who consistently relies on a negative vocabulary. Someone who focus’s on lack and regularly uses words such as disappointment, frustration, anger, sadness, depression, lonely. In my experience the person who choses a negative vocabulary experiences a negative life. Equally, the person who choses a rich and vibrant vocabulary enjoys instead much more frequently an abundant experience of the world.
Once we put a label on something we create a corresponding emotion and emotion stimulates the mind 3,000 times faster than rational thought …so we make decisions emotionally and only justify them logically.
What labels have you been putting on exercise, on nutrition and even on your own body and health?
We can magnify the intensity of our pain with the metaphors we use. Such as ‘he stabbed me in the back‘ or ‘I look like a beached whale’ and just as easily we can use language as a tool by feeling ‘a little droopy’ and still getting to the gym rather than languishing in the land of ‘exhausted’ or perhaps to be ‘fascinated’ by the next thing you can do to accelerate your results rather than to be stuck in ‘frustrated’ in a week where the scale stays stubborn.
It a good thing to know if you can language it you can have it. So it’s worth spending the time to get articulate with exactly how you do want it to be, rather than the reverse.
Now let’s take this empowering language, the decision to focus on what you want, the ability to Take Control Of How You Interpret Your World and it apply it all to your goal setting.
First let’s get absolutely clear because no one drifts to success. Why specifically do you want to lose fat, tone, get fitter or however it is that YOU describe your body gain goal?
Is it just to have less fat on your body OR is it how you’d feel and what you’d experience once you shed those kilos and have more energy, vitality with a higher sense of confidence and feel more attractive to the opposite sex? It’s not what you want to have: It’s what EXPERIENCES you want to have.
Identify the experiences achieving this goal allows you to enjoy and the experiences not achieving this goal means you will continue to miss out on. It’s certainly worth looking at the experiences achieving this goal will allow the people you love to enjoy too and the experiences they will continue to miss out on if you do not achieve your goal.
People who succeed at achieving and maintaining their ideal body shape and health are very clear on what they want. In addition to the experiences you want, your goal needs to be specific (the size / kg / body fat % / distance you can run – whichever resonates best with you). When you take the time to stop this podcast and get super clear on your goal, remember the importance of language.
Your goal must be stated in the present tense, personal and positive and it needs to have a specific attainment date.
On or before is great, however, next month will always be next month!
Here’s an example: “It is on or before the 15th July 2016 and I am 59 kilos with a strong, toned body and abundant energy.” If you were hiring a new sales person to join your team would you ask them to ‘make more money’ or would you get specific as to what you require for a job well done? When hiring a nanny is the request to ‘look after the kid’ or are there endless, specific instructions on what taking care of your child means to you?
It’s exactly the same as wanting to lose fat – that lack of specificity just doesn’t cut it – literally!
Ok, next there needs to be emotional intensity around how achieving this goal will make you feel. Think about what you will be telling yourself, hearing and seeing.
If you have your present tense, personal and positive goal with a specific attainment date…. let’s build that emotional intensity together….”I’d like you to imagine that time in your life when this is exactly as you would love it to be …take yourself there in your minds eye, to that time when you are fit, lean and healthy – to that time when you are all that you can be and become aware of what you are seeing ….what you are hearing ….what you are feeling ….and anything you may be telling yourself as you know you have achieved this goal that means so much.
Be sure to really chunk this exploration up to a high level as well as getting all the sensory detail. So for example when you can see the way your partner now looks at you, the way your new clothes look and you can hear the compliments your friends give you when they see your new look …when you imagine telling yourself well done, all that effort has paid off and you feel like an inspiration to your friends and kids. What will all of that give you?
Ask yourself this question several times. What we are looking for is the value you are seeking behind this goal. Maybe it is freedom or integrity or happiness or a multitude of other compelling emotions.
It’s important to find this value as only then can you create some guidelines to ensure you are also living and respecting this value in the attainment of the goal. It’s not just about the destination, the process or journey also needs to be considered and made enjoyable.
Let’s say the value behind your goal was freedom – great, now how can you allow yourself to experience freedom while you are on the journey of achieving this goal? Perhaps – it’s seeing your exercise time as completely and unselfishly ‘you’ time…where you don’t need to think of anyone else as you tune-out to your favourite tunes? Perhaps it’s the soak in the bubble bath or massage that you indulge in after a big week of exercise? Whatever works for you.
Now for even greater leverage how about linking your goal to your Values and your Identity Beliefs. Before I get ahead of myself let’s define both.
Your values perhaps have more impact so far as determining the quality of your life than any other single thing.
Big call yeah? Our values are those emotional states or qualities that we value before anything else. They determine all of our decision making and therefore our destiny. As an example how about if we consider a person who holds Comfort as her #1 value?
How likely do you think it is that this person will decide to get out of bed at 6am on a dark, cold and wet morning to get in her exercise before a full day at the office? Tough call to do it once. Let alone consistently when she holds comfort in the top spot on her values list.
How about the person who holds Health & Vitality as #1. Totally different ball game. Now I’m not saying that to have your ideal body you need to move Health to your #1 value. I am saying you will always be fighting an uphill, unenjoyable and incredibly frustrating battle if your values and goals are not aligned. More on alignment later …first lets delve deeper into values.
To know your values is to know what you stand for. Once you decide what you value most in life you are able to commit to live by those values every day and that is when decision making being effortless. Think of the people we hold in awe. The people we most admire. These are people who know their values and make a stand for what they believe in. Individuals who are absolutely unwavering in their belief.
People such as Nelson Mandela who spent almost 3 decades in prison and upon his release his convictions were as strong as when he was jailed. Contrast this with those who life just happens to. People who have not stopped to think of what they truly stand for and who are not yet experiencing the feelings of fulfillment and happiness that come with living by our highest values.
Ok, now it’s time to elicit your values…
I’d like you to spend some time thinking about the states that you have most wanted to experience. What emotions have been most important in your life? Be as honest as you can – not the emotions you would like to think are your priority – the emotions that have until now been those you have sought out.
Think about what truly makes you happy, where you spend your time and also your money. Take as long as you need to make a thorough list and if it’s a long list I would then like you to reduce it to just 5-7 values. Look for values that are similar as you shorten your list and know that dropping a value does not mean it’s not important to you – we’re just looking to determine your absolute top 5-7, those that have shaped your life so far.
Next order your values – which is currently most important to you? If you are torn between a couple of values simply place them in a sentence to test how you feel about them. For example ‘What in my life has been more important to me ‘Health’ or ‘Family’?
Once you have your top values it will become clear why you find it so easy to excel in some areas and not in others. Of course the mother who values Love and Family over all else will always make time for her children – perhaps what is less blatantly obvious is that whenever she starts a new training regime she finds it a constant battle to commit to the weekly Boot camp that takes her away from Saturday morning cuddles in bed with the kids.
Or the father who see’s pizza making with the kids as a integral part of dad:kid time each week and thinks his Personal Trainer is nuts when she harps on about the need to steer clear of carbs at dinner! Again, I’m not suggesting that values need to be changed although later in the series we look further at modeling and there is certainly value in determining and modeling the values of someone who already has what you are seeking …to do this, it is a matter of looking at what they make time for, what they excel in, what gives them a sense of achievement and what they love to do. The way they are leading their life will leave clues as to what they value.
For now it can simply be a matter of alignment or even reframing your interpretation so that it is possible to both meet your values and achieve you goals because a goal that is in direct conflict with a value will never be realized.
Ok, so back to YOUR values – were you surprised by some that made your top 5-7?
Do your current values reflect your current experience of life? Getting clear on what you value is the way to understand why you do what you do… as a lot of people know what to do with regard to exercise and nutrition for fat loss (body gain!), however they do not do what they know!
Once you have a list of values that if you were to meet every one of them each day, your life would truly be as you would love it to be, then it is time to work out exactly how to do that and how to ensure you are meeting your body gain goal at the same time. If by the way – you current values do meet your current experience of life and you know that these are not the values that you need to meet your ideal experience of life, you know what to do.
It’s time to create new values. You can do that right now. Take your time to really imagine your ideal life and the values that you would be meeting every single day to live that life. Alternatively as I’ve mentioned you could consider what the values might be of someone who is already achieving the success you would also like to enjoy. Consciously or more likely unconsciously we all have created rules that tell us what must and must not happen for us to experience our values. You will find that if you believe something to be one of your values and you still do not consistently experience this value you have likely created very hard – perhaps near impossible rules for that value to be met.
For example if Health and Vitality was one of your top values (and don’t worry if it wasn’t as this is true of many people when they first elicit their values) let’s just imagine it was though for this example. What if these were your rules to achieve Health and Vitality:
=> I must walk 6 days per week.
=> I must always eat healthy food.
=> I must avoid alcohol.
=> I must sleep 8 hours every night.
=> I must lose 1 kilo per week.
Possibly achievable on there own however there needs to be room for flexibility and a life!
In two words this criteria to experience Health and Vitality is Self Sabotage! It is absolutely setting yourself up to fail. So how about we reframe the rules in a way that will conspire for your success and compel you to keep going not to give up on yourself. Alright so here’s take 2 on rules to achieve Health and Vitality:
=> I aim to move my body 6 days per week and if I skip a day I don’t beat myself up and do ensure I start straight back the following day.
=> I choose to give my body healthy, nourishing food 90% of the time.
=> I drink low carb alcohol wherever possible and have at least 3 alcohol free nights a week.
=> I aim to sleep 7-8 hours a night.
=> I focus on consistency in my routine rather than the number on the scales.
I think this is a good spot for the time of the actionable. I’d love you to explore your values and the rules you’ve created to experience them. I know there’s a bit involved however I’ve got you covered with this Silence Self Sabotage PDF download for todays questions surrounding values.
That’s it for me today. I hope you’ll join me to continue the ‘Silence Self Sabotage’ journey with show #303 on Friday where we’ll Align Your Goal with Your Values and Beliefs.
If you liked this you’ll also like: Designing Your Effective Motivation Strategy.
If you’re yet to share the Healthification love – just click here to zip over to iTunes and leave an honest rating and review. It’d help me out big time. With gratitude, Kate.