I love this Jim Rohn quote; “Don’t wish it was easier, wish you were better.”
Apart from the ‘wish‘ part… which is why I’ve changed it.
Wishing won’t make you better.
To wish and wait and want without doing is to subscribe to the victim mindset… or to behave at effect of everything that happens to you rather than to be at cause.
I find such a mindset both fascinating and highly boring. Who wants to hear how sick or tired or stressed or hard done by someone is?
That’s just downright tedious.
Whenever I’m tempted to roll with one of those old excuses I remind myself that someone with more sickness or reason to be tired or stress or reason to feel hard done by just stepped up and got the job done today and that means I can too. So can you.
“If all our misfortunes were laid in one common heap whence everyone must take an equal portion, most people would be contented to take their own.” Socrates
I believe people get addicted to their problems. Sounds silly right?
On analysis it makes perfect sense.
Firstly, anything you are addicted too will satisfy at least 3 of your 6 Core Needs.
6 Core Needs is a Tony Robbins creation stating we all have a natural desire to satisfy each of these needs:
2. VARIETY / UNCERTAINTY
4. LOVE & CONNECTION
=> Additionally we will each prioritise 2 over everything else. We can meet these needs in a resourceful way that improves the quality of our life OR in an un-resourceful way that is detrimental to our own (and others) quality of life.
Even if initially it seems like the result you’re getting – the problem you’re holding on to – isn’t something you’d seek on purpose, everything you and I do gives us something. Beyond a crap-o-la result, it for fills some need or lack.
Perhaps it provides a sense of certainty and safety. Better the problem and pain you know which allows you to hold onto the dream – the Fantasy – than to truly give it your all and risk shattering your dream?
=> the thing is dreams are limitless… you can come up with as many as you please, and if your first attempt at making it a reality doesn’t work, you get to have another go. The potential to realise your dream will only disappear if you decide to give up… and why would you ever decide that?
Or maybe your problem gives you significance or even a way to connect via holding other people hostage at the mercy of your moods.
=> we all work to the best of our ability with whatever knowledge we currently have available at any given time. So perhaps the person that always ‘gets sick’ or has a moody-melt-down has not learnt a more resourceful way to experience the need to feel special or important (otherwise know as significance).
Perhaps it’s the need for drama. Which is also uncertainty and variety.
=> have you noticed the person who leads an overly safe and predictable – certain – life, will create drama out of the smallest thing? Drama for the sake of drama?
Can you see how addictive your problems can become?
Let’s get into solution mode.
It’s a switch of focus from one Why to another:
“Why Is Stuff Happening to me?” (WISH mindset)
becomes “Why am I doing this?” (for what purpose – what will this mean to my ideal life?).
It requires you to leap out of B.E.D.
Blame: It’s not my fault.
Excuses: I can’t because.
Denial: I’m not willing to because.
…and grab hold of the O.A.R. to choose the direction your boat is headed in.
Ownership: I created this.
Accountability: I can fix it.
Responsibility: I will fix it.
Breaking free of an addictive problem that is limiting your weight loss can be achieved via A. B. C.
A.WARENESS: 90% of the battle is simply realising what you’re repeatedly doing that’s getting you a poor result.
B.ETTER alternative: the new resourceful way to meet the 3 or more core needs your old problem is satisfying.
C.ONDITION: the new alternative until it becomes an unconscious habit.
If other people are doing it, I can do it.
I’ve done it before, so I can do it again.
Get around better people. (you are a reflection of the people you spend the most time with)
Get out of the victim ‘one up’ race. (that’s where you compete over how sick-tired-stressed you are)
The O.A.R. is Power.
It’s freedom to take action and choose your future rather than just waiting to be swept along in the current… wishing and hoping that the destination that turns up will miraculously be the one you want.
What is a problem you’d benefit from letting go of today? …and which of your core needs does it meet?
What is the better alternative? …and which next step are you committing to today?
What is the frequency with which you’ll condition this new alternative until it becomes a habit?