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Today show: Why Self Forgiveness Is More Important Than Discipline, is for those of us that can sometimes, regularly super-FRUSTRATINGLY-often be really tough on ourselves. 

Yes, I’m absolutely talking to me! I’m also talking to YOU if you generally have the discipline box ticked yet still find yourself struggling from time to time to achieve the results you’re seeking.

I had a bit of a realisation today, listening to a new podcast with a couple of ladies I really admire. The podcast is ‘Magic Lessons with Elizabeth Gilbert’ and Elizabeth was chatting with Brene Brown. I’ll link to it in the show notes for today.

Although I’ll regularly share with my clients that it’s not about being perfect, or turning yourself into an unwavering discipline machine, or never stuffing up. I’ll insist that it’s not about never falling off track rather it’s always about how quickly you get back on track. I guess I hadn’t acknowledged that there’s a need for self forgiveness too.

How often have you had the best of intentions for a day or even just a meal and then for whatever reason life or other peoples problems or perhaps just an undeniably irresistible bowl of extra crispy sweet potato chips just seems to jump in your way?!!

It happens to all of us. In fact it happened to me today. I had the intentions of a super productive day. A day I usually muscle my way through with sheer focus and discipline and then… for no good reason I decided to can today. To ditch my strictly scheduled by order of priority into focused 45 min blocks working from home responsibilities. And instead to catch up with a dear girlfriend for lunch.

The thing is when you rely on discipline alone you’re setting yourself up for disappoint.

What about when your discipline does not deliver the results you expect? At least not in the swift timeframe you expect?

It can get disheartening. It can lead you to focus on the sacrifices you made for that seemingly unrewarded discipline. The opportunities missed out on. As I’ve covered in previous shows: What you focus on expands so absolutely you want to ensure that which you focus on is that which you want MORE of in your life!

Or what about that day or meal when you’re all out of discipline and you just can the plan?

It can lead to shame. Or guilt. It can get you questioning yourself and your commitment to your goals. It can be the start of a result ruining, self belief eroding downward spiral.

Unless you get good at practicing Self Forgiveness.

Here are 3 steps I’m going to be implementing this week to get better at Self Forgiveness:

One: Ask yourself what you’d say to your best friend, mum or sister in this situation? 

Now remind yourself, this is the self talk you deserve to be on the receiving end of too. It’s not that you’re letting yourself off the hook for lazy behaviour. It’s just that you’re embracing a more empathetic (and likely more effective) rather than a bullying type of response.

Here’s an example: An unplanned unproductive day might prompt self talk along the lines of “WOW so that was an absolute waste of time. What a lazy slob I am. If I get distracted this easily how can I possibly hope to ever achieve anything worthwhile? Why am I even trying? I’m kidding myself! Surely the sensible solution is to give up right now.”

Two: Ask yourself what is likely to get you to take the most ideal next step in the most ideal timeframe?

This is step is designed to out maneuver the perfectionist trap. For the perfectionist or person who claims to have “High standards” the fact is these standards are often so unrealistic they result in zero action and as such actually equate to zero standards.

Here’s an example: A demolish fest downward eating spiral that perhaps started with sweet potato fries and cider at the pub on Sunday afternoon and blew out to a pizza and red wine for dinner and then cyclone’d (!) into a double serve of banana bread and hot chocolate to start off your Monday… the perfectionist might deem the best solution is to get back to “Good eating” once you’ve had the chance to do a proper fresh veg shop and cook a weeks worth of meals on mass and first, maybe spend hours / Days / MONTHS researching the perfect eating approach!

Three: Question the value in shame or guilt before indulging in either. 

Is it truely energy well spent? Although there is value in learning from a mistake there is zero value in beating yourself up for a decision already made and acted (or NOT acted!) on. If guilt can be defined as the feeling that you’ve failed in an obligation then surely the solution is to meet that obligation next time?

Here’s an example that drives me crazy: The group of exercisers indulging in or enabling each others poor eating habits. Now I say this with love not judgement. If someone has dragged their butt to the gym when I know they have many much more enjoyable things they could be doing and yet instead of making the most of their time they’re instead moaning about the burger and fries they “had to have” last night or the entire tub of ice cream or whole pack of biscuits I just see that as energy wasted.

My advice is again not about being perfect, or turning yourself into an unwavering discipline machine… rather it’s to choose and plan your treats (or for that matter rest days) with volition. To enjoy them free of shame or guilt. And then to move on to your ideal eating day or your ideal working (or workout’ing!) day at the very next opportunity.

To get actionable today does one of these 3 steps to Self Forgiveness resonate with you? To recap they are:

One: Ask yourself what you’d say to your best friend, mum or sister in this situation? 

(my fav!) Two: Ask yourself what is likely to get you to take the most ideal next step in the most ideal timeframe?

Three: Question the value in shame or guilt before indulging in either. 

That’s it for me and for this week in Healthification. Huge thanks to you for hanging with me today. I super appreciate it. Cheers!

If you liked Why Self Forgiveness Is More Important Than Discipline, you’ll also like: How To Increase Your Daily Discipline Quota

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