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In todays show I’m weighing in on: Are The People Around You Holding You Back?
It’s actually sort of a trick question though… we’ll get to that soon.
First, you know the cliche. Boy meets girl. Or girl meets boy. Spending time together become The priority… lots of nights in and hearty home cooked meals accompanied by a fair few nights out and delicious restaurant meals… old habits are forgotten faster than you can say: “I’ll-have-what-he’s-having-just-this-once.“ or perhaps: “I’m-not-getting-up-and-leaving-her-to-go-for-a-6am-run-I’ll-hit-the-gym-after-work.”
Except he doesn’t hit the gym after work… and she doesn’t have what he’s having just this once!
Perhaps it’s not the new relationship. Maybe the people around YOU, the people around you holding you back are the work colleagues that insist on beers and burgers after work or the dear relatives that bring you home baking each week.
Possibly it’s the close friend that can eat whatever she wants without chucking on a pound or the many friends that tell you you’re “taking this exercise thing too seriously – just chill out a bit ok?”
So here’s the thing: Regardless of who YOU have in your life… potentially sabotaging, critiquing, judging your best eating and exercising intentions to believe that THEY are holding you back is to give in to a VICTIM MINDSET.
This is one of the simple yet not easy facts of fat loss. To make it a little more easy and a lot more implementable I have 3 steps for you today:
Step one: Take Responsibility For How and WHO You Spend Your Time With.
Dependent on how firmly entrenched your great health habits are you will find it more or less challenging to spend time with people who are potentially not the best influence. This is a self awareness you need to have.
If every time you go out with that burger and beer gobbling group you end up consuming the food and drink that makes you feel rubbish then you’re going to need to get more convincing about a different restaurant choice… or even sit this outing out until it gets easier to be the one that eats before or after or orders an off-the-menu alternative.
It does get easier. However the main thing is until you’re in that place where you’re fine with being the odd one out then it’s your responsibility to NOT put yourself in those super-tempting-situations.
Step two: Lead By Example.
How many people do you know who’d like to put on a little fat? Or be a little less fit? Even have less energy?
Maybe they exist however they are not common.
My point, is that when you take the lead and stick to your personal eating and exercising standards (WITHOUT JUDGEMENT – more on that in step three) there’s a good chance you’ll be doing the people around you a favour. Perhaps they’ll even enjoy the non-stodgy-dodgy REAL-food you prepare for them? Maybe they’ll like the habit of standing or walking meetings.
Potentially they’ll look forward to lifting weights as a stress relief rather than bicep-curling-beer.
Whether some of your health habits rub off on them or not is not the important factor – it’d just be a happy side effect – the important factor is that you teach others how to treat you and as such: You need to stay true to the habits that will give you the results you’re seeking.
Step three: Don’t Be A Health-Food-Exercise-Spiritual-SNOB!
The sure-fire way to NOT get the people around you on your team is to shove it down their throats!
As much as it’s easier when the people closest to you are on the same page with their approach to health and as much as it’s natural to want the best for them, the fact is: They need to do it for them at the right time for them.
If you’re struggling with this step here are 3 of the things I remind myself:
=> Think of all the different beliefs and judgements you’ve had and made over the years? They’ve changed right?
I still remember declaring : “I could never be a vegetarian! I just LOVE meat too much.” Equally, in the 22 years and counting that I’ve been vego… I can’t count how many guys have asserted they’d get me back eating steak again! Hasn’t happened.
My point is that enforcing your opinion or belief on someone else is a waste of energy. It has that way of bringing out theirinner stubborn I’ll-do-what-I-want-when-I-want-thanks.
=> Recognise that everyone has their own inner map of the world… and that’s a good thing.
By ‘map of the world’ I simply mean that we all view the world differently based on our own unique experiences, opportunities, values, beliefs, choices and what we’ve made each of those mean. There’s likely a whole show in that… however one example is the way YOU and your best friend who support opposing rugby teams both view an important (or any!) game.
As an Aussie who lived in N.Z. till I was 21 I have plenty of experience with this! Let me tell you, supporting the Wallabies in a nation of All Black fanatics was not always fun. However, it’d be boring if everyone went for the All Blacks.
=> Understand that each of us has different values and goals… and will be motivated accordingly.
As a new personal trainer I used to get frustrated when clients didn’t seem to care about their goal as much as I cared about their goal. Until I realised I was projecting my goal onto them. Perhaps they didn’t want to be ultra fit and lean. Generally they didn’t… not really, not when they weighed up the work involved.
Often they were happy to have less aches and pains… more energy… and it was ok to just not put on any weight… AND it was NOT ok to detract from precious time spent with the kids or grandkids! That’s pretty UN-exciting as a goal to me.However, as I learnt: It’s not about me!
That must bring us to the time of the actionable. Let’s start with Step one: Take Responsibility For How and WHO You Spend Your Time With. I’d love you to think of ONE regular tempting situation you keep finding yourself in and decide today on the tactic to outsmart that situation.
That’s it for me today. I’ll be back with the Friday FAQ show and: 4 Steps To Clean Up Your Diet. I hope you can join me.
If you liked this you’ll also like: Are your daily eating triggers working to your best fat blasting advantage?
If you’re yet to share the Healthification love – just click here to zip over to iTunes and leave an honest rating and review. It’d help me out big time. With gratitude, Kate.